Refunctions List

A refunction is anything in your life that raises your capacity to fully function.

The less you react to an offense with a socially sanctioned retribution, the easier for you to specifically address underlying needs behind the offense. The more you can turn the offense into an opportunity to address underlying needs fueling the offense, the more you can contribute to resolving these needs, and in turn reduce the threat of recurring offenses. The more you can reduce offenses through your forgiveness, the more meaning you can find in your endured suffering of the offense.

forgiveness

The more you let go of your anger toward those who wronged you, the more your needs resolve.

Let go of your anger when wronged. Release yourself from your own self-chastisement. View any infringement of your rights as a mistake they can freely admit. Give others the space to honestly admit their imperfections. Rebuild trust by acknowledging your errors toward others. See how forgiveness resolves more needs.

gentleness

The softer you approach others in need of care, the more your needs resolve.

Be ready to give a softer touch where appropriate. Stay sensitive to those who appear alarmed by any harshness. They may be going through intense pain, or suffering some kind of trauma. Discern when a scalpel is better than a sledgehammer. Know where it's best to be humble yet firm. Tread softly through a field of wounded soldiers. Avoid reopening old wounds. Let your gentleness help them to more fully heal and grow strong.

The more you can humbly admit where you honestly are at, the more open you are to receive from others what you need.

The more you meet others where they humbly are at, dropping any unrealistic expectations of them, the easier you can relate to them and cultivate mutual cooperation toward resolving needs.

grace

The more you humbly admit your current imperfections, the more your needs resolve.

Admit where you are honestly at in life, and not quite where you or others expect you to be. Release yourself from unrealistic expectations, and appreciate getting to your goals one step at a time. Allow room for unavoidable setbacks. Meet others where they are at, instead of where you may expect them to be. With more grace, observe more needs resolving.

The more you appreciate others who give you resources you require, the more likely you will be offered more of the things your life requires. The more you express what you need in humility, the more likely you will be offered more of what you (or others you care about) require to function.

The more you receive what you require what you can not provide exclusively yourself, the more needs resolve. The more needs resolve, the higher your functioning.

gratitude

The more you show your thankfulness, the more your needs resolve.

Orient yourself to make the most of what you receive in life and avoid taking it for granted. Position yourself with your attitude to receive more of what your life requires. Affirm other's generosity toward you. Insist others not take your offerings for granted. Spur their gratitude by refusing their exploitation of your generosity. With more gratitude, observe more needs resolving.

The more truthful with others, the generally more truthful others are with you. The more truthful with others, the more others have an accurate understanding of your needs, and your relation to their affected needs. The more accurate your exchanged information, the more you can fully resolve needs, remove pain and raise functioning.

honesty

The more others hear and trust you to speak truthfully, the more your needs resolve.

Say what you need to say without guile. Avoid manipulating others with words you know aren't true. Avoid putting yourself in a situation you feel you must deceive others. Nurture a reputation of being reliable in what you express. Be authentic. Hold others to a higher standard of being forthright with you. See how honesty resolves more needs in your life.

The more you find others who accept you as you are, the easier to drop your guard to present yourself more authentically. The more others accept you as you are, the easier for you to face more of your authenticity. The more of your authentic being you can face and acknowledge, the more others who care about you will likely be gracious toward you.

humility

The less arrogant you are toward others, the more your needs resolve.

Drop any pretense that you know best for others. Don’t cling too tightly to what you think must be good for yourself. Make room for others to face you honestly and interact with you as authentically as possible. Let your pride balance with your capacity to be critiqued. Nurture the humility in others by not provoking their defensiveness, but instead treating them with kindness. With more humility, see more needs resolve.

The more two interacting people resolve their affected needs, the less likely they can be in conflict. The more both sides of a conflict can resolve their affected needs, the more the conflict can dissolve into mutual responsiveness, mutual respect, mutual understanding and trust. The more all elements of a society can freely resolve their needs, the lower the incidents of violence.

justice

The more you pursue what is fair for all, the more your needs resolve.

There is more to justice than grieving a loss due to violence. Step beyond mere relief to address your needs with others on par with them addressing their needs with you. Hold others accountable who try to ease their needs or wants at your unwelcome expense. While life isn't fair, interactions in relationships are either fair with balanced results or that relationship does not work. Instead of reacting with revenge, embarrass them by responding to their needs better than they respond to yours. Hold both sides to the same standard of conduct for any relation. See how substantive justice resolves more needs.

kindness

The more you pleasantly smile and encourage others, the more your needs resolve.

Refrain from harsh words. Give encouragement to those in need. Smile more towards others, even if they do not smile back. Let your smile sustain your positive attitude, especially in those moments when you don't feel like smiling. Yet be sure your positive regard stays sincere. Be an example of the level of kindness we all need for more civil interactions, leading to more meaningful lives.

The more you let go of any right to retaliate for an offense, the easier to address the underserved needs that led to the offense. The more room for addressing these unresolved needs, the less likely a cycle of violence can spin out of control. The more you react to offenses with alternatives that respect all needs involved, the easier the pain can dissipate and allow for better functioning.

mercy

The more you let go of your rightful reaction to being wronged, the more your needs resolve.

Be ready to let go not only of your anger, but let go also of your right to exact vengeance for a suffered wrong. Give more room to restore a damaged relationship by offering to forgo just compensation. Inspire their gratitude toward you with your readiness, willingness, and ability to clear their debts toward you. Engender mercy from others with your humility and remorse. Let your mercy demonstrate your love for others. See mercy resolve more needs.

reconciliation

The more you rebuild your trustworthiness after admitting a wrong, the more your needs resolve.

After letting go of your anger with forgiveness, continue nurturing the relationship by offering to restore any losses. Rebuild trust by compensating others for any damage for actions caused. Respect where others cannot go on without restoring what they’ve lost. Connect with others where they hurt, with empathetic generosity. Respond to other's gestures toward you who seek to rebuild any damaged trust. See how atonement resolves needs.