D03 Pain Principle

Which do you think is more likely?

Only a masochist or deranged person would ever appreciate feeling their pain.

OR

The more you appreciate the role of pain then the less of pain you must endure.

Anankelogy

Have you ever thanked your pain for alerting you to trouble? “Thank you, anxiety, for warning me that I may not be fully ready to handle this.” With this positive attitude, I am more likely to face a little more of it so I can build the courage to face even more—instead of reacting by retreating from what I fear.

With my open appreciation for my anxiety, I make my fears serve me instead of me serving my fears. How do think your life would be if you had no warning system alarming you to respond to each threat? Wouldn’t you react more to trouble, as it springs up all of a sudden?

The more I repress or suppress my uncomfortable feelings, the more threatening troubles spring up on me. “I tried to warn you,” my unpleasant feelings would say. Instead of avoiding my painful feelings, I could orient myself to more fully feel and process the pain. I could appreciate what it’s trying to warn me about. Then act upon that helpful information.

Anankelogy explains how we each orient ourselves to the pain we face. The more we appreciate that pain exists to serve us, the more we can orient ourselves to make that pain serve us. And not let it compel us to serve it.

That’s the problem with modern messages about the easy life. Buy this item and you will supposedly be happy. Take more of those and you will finally make it in life. Present just the right image and all will be okay. Such popular generalizations suck us into a life of more pain. There must be a better way. And there is!

Need-response

Perhaps it would be easier to appreciate your pain if there wasn’t so much of it. Need-response aims to both improve your natural tolerance for enduring pain and to remove cause for pain, especially the kind resulting from powerful others.

Reactive Problem

Despite the promise of modern conveniences to make life easier, we find ourselves struggling with a mounting load of emotional pain. Then we too easily blame ourselves, which takes our eyes off the real problem: social structures that coerce us to prioritize pain relief over need resolution.

Here’s the thing. The more we avoid natural pain by taking comfort in material things, the less our needs resolve. The less those needs resolve, the more they grab our attention with increasing pain. Perhaps only a dull pain at first, but enough to hold you back from your life’s full potential.

Anankelogy calls this “symfunctional strain”. Symfunction refers to a less than optimal level of life. Instead of living up to our full potential, we get by with impersonal support from others. We put up with growing dependence on other who don’t know us. We rely on impersonal laws to make sure our basic needs get respected. Or higher needs typically go unheeded.

Over time, we reach less and less of our full potential. This strain on our ability to fully function gradually builds. At first, it’s typically tolerable. Then it creates a growing level of manageable pain. Well, manageable for now. Eventually, symfunctional strain can become more painful than the originally avoided pain.

Responsive Solution

Need-response gets to the sources of your pain. There is no such thing as pain apart from unheeded warnings about apparent threats. The more we address those threats, the less cause for pain.

Need-response identifies four levels of human problems provoking our pain. Think of any problem as a situation of persistently unresolved needs. The more you can resolve such needs, the more your pain slips away.

1. A personal problem: any problem you can resolve fully on your own. E.g., you could create more value on your job simply by being more engaged with your coworkers. You can remove any cause for pain on your own.

2. An interpersonal problem: any problem that can be resolved with someone of equal social power. E.g., you have a dispute with a coworker that you could settle with mutual cooperation. You can remove cause for pain by addressing those needs together.

3. A power problem: a problem resolved only by someone of higher social power. E.g., you settle for less-than-optimal work conditions to avoid losing your primary means to pay your bills. You can remove cause for pain by incentivizing those in power to respond better to your affected needs.

4. A structural problem: a problem resolved by transforming cultural norms like laws. E.g., your employer reports there is little if anything they can do about your situation as they are bound by law. You can remove cause for pain by supporting leaders to change problematic norms so they can better serve your needs and the needs of others similarly situated.

Need-response addresses all four sources of your pain. It can help us all to stop habitually avoiding our body’s warning system of possible threats. It can help us all to relate better to those likely threats. It can help us all to stop causing so much pain in others.

Need-response can help reorient you to embrace your naturally occurring pain while severely reducing others types of pain. It can help you to appreciate your own naturally occurring pain as nature’s lease appreciated gift. The more you appreciate this natural gift, the less of it you will face in life.

Responding to your needs

How does this principle speak to your experience of needs? Post in our Engagement forum your thoughtful response to one of these:

• I can’t imagine myself appreciating any of the pain I am suffering now.

• It would help to hear from others how they appreciate their pain.

• How does appreciating my pain result in less of it?

• If I had to appreciate my fear, I could perhaps be grateful that it _________.

Instead of selecting one of these, post your own engagement feedback about your experience with the subject of this principle. Remember the aim is to improve our responsiveness to each other’s needs, toward their full resolution. If you’re new at posting here, first check the guide below.