D01 Pain Principle

Which do you think is more likely?

Life is so painful that you must continually suffer some level of physical and emotional pain.

OR

Pain only exists to warn of unresolved needs, and once you satisfy all your needs you will find it impossible to experience pain.

Anankelogy

Nature-based anankelogy demystifies your pain. Your pain only exists to warn you of threats. Without any perceived threats, your body has no cause to warn you with this unpleasant feeling.

Any pain, any level of discomfort, points back to some apparent threat holding back your ability to fully function. The less you can function because of it, the more intense the pain. A mild threat evokes only a mild discomfort.

When someone failed to meet with you on time, this threatens your ability to function. You were counting on them to be punctual so you would have enough time to cover matters you rely on to function. The pain of disappointment conveys the upended expectation to continue functioning at the anticipated level.

Let’s say the person arrives just a few minutes late. And you get a text message letting you know the commitment you had after this meeting has been canceled. Your feelings of disappointment dissolve. You may still feel the unease of broken trust, but now that you can confidently cover all you came to the meeting to address, that threat to your ability to function has been removed.

Once removed, your body has no cause to alarm you of that threat. If all threats suddenly went away, you would suddenly feel no pain. If you suffer an overbearing load of pain, then you’re facing an overwhelming load of threats. Removing all these threats removes all your pain.

• Apart from a need to connect more deeply with others, you feel no alienation.

• Apart from a need to reject some apparent threat, you feel no anger.

• Apart from a need to make sense of something, you feel no confusion.

• Apart from a need to redirect your energies, you feel no depression.

• Apart from a need for others to be trustworthy, you feel no disappointment.

• Apart from a need to remove something offensive, you feel no disgust.

• Apart from a need to cover something exposed, you feel no embarrassment.

• Apart from a need to handle something menacing, you feel no fear.

• Apart from a need to have things go as planned, you feel no frustration.

• Apart from a need to adjust to a deep loss, you feel no grief.

• Apart from a need to restore your respect for others, you feel no guilt.

• Apart from a need to avoid any risk of harm, you feel no insecurity.

• Apart from a need to enjoy what another enjoys, you feel no jealousy.

• Apart from a need to connect with someone, you feel no loneliness.

• Apart from a need to control your situation, you feel no powerlessness.

• Apart from a need to rethink your actions, you feel no regret.

• Apart from a need to promptly get something done, you feel no restlessness.

• Apart from a need to deal with some loss, you feel no sadness.

• Apart from a need to guard your social image, you feel no shame.

• Apart from a need to meet some high expectation, you feel no stress.

Easier said than done, right? Exactly! That’s where need-response can help.

Need-response

No current option helps you resolve all of the needs creating the conditions for your pain. Only need-response is designed to fully remove the cause for pain by fully resolving every need.

As James Hightower put it, “The problem isn’t that people fall through the cracks. The problem is that there are so many cracks.” Need-response fills those cracks with improved responsiveness to every type of need.

Reactive Problem

Our legal systems, such as the judiciary and politics, do not help you resolve needs. By design, they primarily try to ease the pain of the winning side in a court battle or ballot contest. The losing side gets to keep their pain.

The needs on both sides typically remain unresolved. Their pain persists. While the winning side enjoys some relief, their functioning potential gets compromised. They may blame the losing side, but that will not restore their wellbeing. As Dr. King put it, hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

We are so accustomed to this lower standard of win-lose outcomes that we don’t even look for a win-win alternative. What if there was an option seeking to identify, address and ultimately resolve each impacted need? Then the pain would finally clear up, and allow all involved to reach more of their functional potential.

That’s what need-response is for.

Responsive Solution

First, we readjust your orientation to be more open to the natural pain occurring in your life. Then we invest your improved resiliency to thoroughly address the sources of unnatural pain, such as power relations.

The more you’re equipped to process your natural pain, the better positioned to take on unnatural sources of pain. With a team of supportive need-responders, you will gain the courage to speak truth to power. And do so in a way that incentivizes them to listen to those impacted.

In the alternative, you invite a qualified need-responder to advocate for you. Once they agree, they advocate mostly for all the needs affected by the power relationship. Not only does this help you resolve your impacted needs, it helps the powerholder in the relationship to more responsibly resolve their needs.

In the process, the powerholder identifies and addresses their need to be more responsive to you. Their professional reputation depends on their demonstrated leadership skills. We incentivize them to support you in resolving your impacted needs by linking the results to their measurable leadership skills. Eventually, there is much less pain to go around.

Responding to your needs

How does this principle speak to your experience of needs? Post in our Engagement forum your thoughtful response to one of these:

• I can’t imagine a life without all the continual pain I endure. Maybe this offers some hope.

• I want to envision a life without as much pain. I want to explore this option.

• I am disillusioned with adversarial justice/politics and am open to considering this alternative.

• After resolving my needs I still feel some pain. So what’s that about?

Instead of selecting one of these, post your own engagement feedback about your experience with the subject of this principle. Remember the aim is to improve our responsiveness to each other’s needs, toward their full resolution. If you’re new at posting here, first check the guide below.